To tell or not to tell -- That is the question

It's a joke among friends. Ya know that whole six degrees of separation thing? Well, for me it's more like three degrees. Maybe two degrees.

I know a lot of people. And I know a lot of their stories.

But I have never met anyone who has donated or received eggs. (At least, I've never met anyone who has talked about it openly!)

People say reproduction is a miracle. To me, it's a science experiment.

But assisted reproduction is not a neat, easy process. Before we could move forward, we had to sign consent forms that asked us to spell out everything from how the sperm would be introduced to the egg to what should happen to any remaining embryos if we die.

I learned a lot about my husband during this process. For me, it was a no-brainer. We donate the embryos for stem-cell research. I'd be fine with allowing another couple to adopt them, though that wasn't an option offered by my fertility clinic.

But my husband, normally very liberal and open-minded, struggled with the idea that his potential offspring -- a fertilized embryo -- would become part of a scientific research. Of course he wanted to do his part for science. He knows how valuable stem cells are in research to fight Alzheimer's and other diseases. He votes for candidates who support stem cell research. He's pro choice, too.

But he paused before he could initial that box that would send an embryo with his DNA into a laboratory.

That made me realize that maybe -- just maybe -- it would be less than wise to let everyone in on the details of our efforts to have another child. I wondered whether my Catholic friends would judge me if we ended up with extra embryos and donated them for research. I wondered whether my family would accept a child that has no DNA connection to me in the same way that my biological daughter is part of our family. I wondered whether my conservative employer, whose health insurance plan is making the IVF process possible, would judge me for what I'm doing.

Ultimately, I didn't care whether my friends judged me. I decided not to tell members of my immediate family. And I inquired about a possible answer to my question about my employer.

I am an editor at a newspaper. It's a great place to work. The paper is independent -- it's not part of a company that's traded on the market. The newsroom is tight-knit. But newspapers are notoriously family-unfriendly. If you can't give it your attention 24/7, you're not very valuable in this industry.

More than that, though, I knew a lot of people in positions of authority had conservative Catholic leanings. So I did a little research.

When I was interviewing the egg donation agency, I asked them about how they find the girls. A big part of that is advertising in newspapers -- college papers, local papers, etc. So I asked if they advertise in our paper.

It came as a surprise to me that our paper refuses their advertising because of a moral conflict with the process. The owners are not a fan of egg donation or assisted reproduction.

In a time when newspapers are desperate for revenue, we're turning away ad dollars because someone hates family building through science. Or maybe newspapers really do just hate families.

Either way, I'm keeping my methods to myself.